Standing in the middle

Late August...schools... It's a great time of year and always a signifier of new beginnings.

Like so many young people, my daughter recently received word on her new teacher and which of her fourth-grade classmates would be in her homeroom. Through the process, I found out that my wife was actually anxious about all this--not so much on the teaching side but on the classmate side. Specifically, she felt for my daughter who has friendships across the familiar grouping lines of the playground and cafeteria. All this was somewhat lost on me. Apparently, who's who and what's what starts pretty early now. Go figure... I assumed that we had at least until middle school before the demons of grouping would begin taking hold.

Everything turned out fine. Mother and daughter were both thrilled with the teacher as well as the class list. All in all, I guess you'd call it a successful lottery.

I hear a lot about this though--the way that kids pair off and treat one another accordingly. My daughter is only eight but she already feels this. She has already felt the pulling force of the grouping process. Although she doesn't really understand, I know that she doesn't like it--the pressure to choose between one friend or another. I pray she never does. But it will be hard. It is not just pressure to fit in; it's that illusion of being special. I suspect that it drives us to trade in our decency, insisting that we make choices...who is worthy and who is not...who we will love and who we will hate.

It's the same for adults, although generally more subtle. We wouldn't want to use such extreme language to describe our behavior. We wouldn't want to admit that we have chosen one group of friends over another or that we have closed the door on some people simply because someone told us that we should.

But just like my daughter, we might also resent the demands. Something within us might be telling us that this is not such a good thing--that it is counter to our humanity to choose between this person and that. But the pressure and that illusion of specialness can call to us--the stamp of approval from one side or another. And it can move us to do unwholesome things...

Here's to resisting it! As we begin a new year, here's a prayer for all of the children there together on the playground and in the cafeteria. Here's to the men and women who are willing to reach out a hand in both directions and take the time to understand more than one side. Here's to people everywhere who still have a healthy disrespect for this whole business of who's who and what's what...