The Social Network

I don't Facebook. I need to say that right off the bat. A person once sent me an email with links to some photos and the only way that I could view them was to fill out an online form. So I suppose my name is out there somewhere and I do, ocassionally, get "friend requests" but I don't respond to them and I don't use a Facebook account. The reason is twofold.

First, there is sort of an unspoken agreement between my sons and I. Part of this is simply maintaining a healthy distance. There are certain places teenagers just don't want to run into their parents. It's not merely privacy, it is also sort of a "dibs" thing--a belief that there is only so much cool stuff to go around. By the time I learned anything at all about Facebook, my sons were already pretty much insiders. And frankly, it wasn't that hard to pass on the intrigue. At least not for forty-something men. I can see how it is great for younger, single folks and women too because they like communication and all that. But most middle-aged men that I know can only get into trouble with this kind of thing.

The second reason that I don't do Facebook is because it is clearly a time-trap and I already have plenty of those in my life. And it is a unique sort of time-trap because it promotes a sedentary lifestyle. Of course, this isn't just Facebook. Techology generally and computers especially are blackholes for time and attention. There are a few differences between sitting on the couch and sitting in front of the computer but there are a lot of similarities as well. (I realize that we can now do both at the same time.)

While I don't do Facebook; I absolutely do use a computer a lot. And I do think Facebook is cool, just not that cool. So that's the caveat. I am not an expert on Facebook. But I do see a lot of movies. And "The Social Network" is a very good movie.

The story is interesting; the acting is excellent and the truth telling is subtle. The first two are straightforward enough so I will focus on the latter--and without spoiling the film for those of you who have yet to see it.

Good preaching doesn't feel preachy. Good teaching allows you to learn without feeling like you've been abused in the process. In the same way, good film-making portrays a story in such a way as to be both engaging and meaningful. "The Social Network" tells the story of bright, young men. Bright, young men are not gods. They are not even wise, old men. But they have something that neither gods nor old men have. We might call it passion or moxy or creative disatisfaction. But whatever it is, it allows them, sometimes, to do things that the rest of us are unwilling or unable to do. This is what makes Facebook cool and it is what makes "The Social Network" a very engaging film.

What we are really talking about here is adventure. It is taking a path, an uncertain path in a bold direction. For those who are given the chance and take hold of it, a youthful adventure is one of the highlights of human life. (I say one of because it is definitely not the only one. Raising children and seeing grandchildren are perhaps greater highlights. It is just that these are more common and, therefore, generally under-recognized.) Anyway, to set out or step out toward a vision--this is an amazing thing. And while adventure is the subject of countless stories, it is an experience in which only the few actually embrace.

The thing is though, in a true adventure, at least in a true human adventure, there are authentic challenges. Greatness is a mixed bag and the path to it frought with very real struggle and suffering. This is the aspect of "The Social Network" that really caught my attention. Without wallowing in it, the film captures the pitfalls and dark sides of success. It reveals, ever so subtly, the ways in which ambition threatens and even destroys things like friendship and joy.

It's a terrifying consideration really--that the very thing that moves us and motivates us can also potentially destroy us. And this is not some kind of black and white moral decision that we can easily make. It is almost as if the lesson invariably comes after the risk itself. And then sometimes it can be too late... Powerful stuff and real.

The last thing that I will say about the film is less universal but nevertheless connected. The film portrays a great deal of partying. Some of this is because the story is about twenty-something characters. And some is certainly because Hollywood now seems to feel that the best way to get young people to go to movies is to glamorize sex and drugs.

I went to the film with my seventeen year old son. My eighteen year old is already in college. I wonder what they make of all this, really. I wonder what they make of the ambition and the whole idea of success. But I also wonder about the real Social Network. I wonder what they make of the way in which the film portrays friendship, intimacy and sex. Do they imagine that this is what college should be? Do teenagers today believe that the pinnacle of social life is a world where they will have the means to embrace unbridled excess?

I have never considered myself a prude but I found the party scenes unsettling and not just because I was sitting next to my son. The one concrete example that I do want to point out is not to offend or overstate, and it is certainly not a spoiler for the film. It it rather to raise a question about cultural good...

There is a scene in the film in which characters have sex in a bathroom stall. I wasn't exactly sure what to make of the message? I knew how I felt about the scene... But I wasn't at all sure about the rest of the people in the theater. Particularly telling, I think, was that I wasn't even sure how the characters in the story felt about it. Is this evidence of the strength of the film--demonstrating the moral ambiguity plaguing this generation? Or is it simply evidence that I am now just too old and removed from what's going on out there?

Our kids are part of a generation that is being bombarded with a virtually endless range of goods. With so much access and so few boundaries, how can they discern what they should and should not want? "The Social Network" is a story about the most significant thing in many of their lives. I wonder what they made of it.